Actual Things Heard in the Gottlieb Household

*Mmmm....hair dipped in BBQ sauce is good!
*That's not a cookie! It's a dog biscuit!
*Mom, he's eating boogers again!
*No, you may not bite my toenails. I'll use the clippers. Thanks anyway.
*Benjamin! Stop licking my toe! Mom, he's doing it again!
*CJ, that's AIR freshener, not hair freshener!
*I think I'm just gonna pee in the toilet from now on...
*No Gabby! The dog doesn't like it when you stick a pencil there!
*Mom, why is there kool-aid in the bathtub?
*Zach...Kim is right. You are not supposed to swallow the mouthwash!
*Gabby, did you drink the sea monkeys?
*Kim, your pants are on backwards....again.
*Ben...why is there pee in your toybox?
*Mom....CJ forgot to put on pants.
*Honey, I found the smell.... *gag*
*Is that an ice cream bucket full of poop?!?
*I'm done with my snack. I'm gonna go puke now.
*Rhiana, no more puking at the dinner table!
*Ben, honey....the cat can lick himself.
*CJ, those aren't shorts! Your waist is through the neck hole!
*Urine fumes are corrosive to CD players, you know.
*Don't let her eat the cat litter!!
*Benjamin, why don't you pull your hair out before you come to the table?
*Why are you wearing 16 pairs of socks?!?
*CJ, you can't glue hair to your arm pits! It'll grow in on it's own.
*No, Ben...you can't pull out all of your teeth to get more money from the Tooth Fairy!
*Ewwwww....what did I just step in?!?
*Honey, Ben peed from the top bunk again! Everything's soaked!
*Oh no! That was his nighttime meds! *sigh* I'll write another note to the teacher.....
*Benjamin! They don't need to see your penis anymore!
*Mom, I forgot to wear underwear to school today, but don't worry--I didn't get on the monkey bars! (Said by my daughter while wearing a skirt!)
*No...deodorant doesn't go on your face.
*I know it says moisturizing soap, but you can't use it for lotion!
*You put what in your hair?!?
*No, you can't have a bowl of butter for a snack!
*At least he made it 30 minutes before being suspended today!
*Ben, you can't pee on people that make you angry. It's upsetting to your classmates.
*No, Ben! The doctor won't give you another shot just so you'll be even! You'll just have to deal with it!
*Gabrielle! Why are you outside naked?!?
*CJ, you cannot stuff seven big marshmallows in your mouth at once! Well....would you look at that...
*I don't know how that got in my underwear!
*It's just a little pee. Can't I wash it? It still tastes good!
*Ben! Stop chewing gum that you find on the ground!
*Yes, Josh, I know. I need a vacation, too.