Benjamin's Referral

Ben got a referral today. This is nothing unusual. As a matter of fact, he's had a referral every school day for the past 7 or 8 days now. But this referral....well, it was something special. It said:

"Ben told another student he was going to pinch her nipples. When another student asked him what those are, he told him they were 'titties'."

His vocabulary seems to be growing by leaps and bounds. Quite advanced, wouldn't you say?

He's even defining difficult words for other children. I think they should give him a special award for being the vocabulary helper.

I am such a proud, proud mommy.

I know you're jealous. Eat your heart out. He's all mine....

School Communication Problem

Shouldn’t schools let you know if your 7 year old is suspended from school? You’d think so!!

We sent Ben to school this morning, only to get a phone call telling us that he got suspended yesterday for stabbing someone in the arm with a pencil. Luckily, the other kid had on a jacket and wasn’t injured. The lady who called seemed quite shocked that Ben had not voluntarily given us the form showing that he was suspended!

Is she new? Does she not know my son at all?!?

LOLOLOL...... Laugh or cry? Again, I choose laughter.

Off to go spend some quality time with my little warrior.....

The Weirdest Call From The School Nurse Ever

Rrrrring.......Rrrrring.....Rrrrring.....

Hello.

Hello. May I speak with Mrs. Gottlieb?

This is she.

Hi. This is the school nurse at Ben’s school. Is this a good time?

Oh, sure. How can I help you?

Well, Ben was in the office today, and I noticed that he has a large bald patch on the side of his head. Are you aware of this, Mrs. Gottlieb?

Why, yes, I am. It would be hard to miss, don’t you think?

Well, that’s true, Mrs. Gottlieb. However, I wanted to call to discuss this with you, as this is a very serious issue.

Well, thank you for taking the time to call me. I assure you, we are working on this problem.

Mrs. Gottlieb, I wanted to let you know that this is called trichotillomania. This is a medical condition that drives people to pull out their hair.

Yes, ma’am. I am aware of the condition seeing as how my son has it.

Okay. Well, I just wanted to make sure that you knew he has a bald spot. Also, I noticed he was actually eating his hair. This is also a symptom of trichotillomania.

Yes, ma’am. We are aware of the fact that Ben eats his hair after he pulls it out. He also likes to nibble on the skin from his fingers and toes.

Oh, my. His toes? I saw him picking at his fingers. Trichotillomania sufferers often pick at their skin, as well.

Yes, I know. It is apparently all tied up with his OCD.

Well, I did want to let you know that I sent some information to his regular classroom teacher, his PE teacher, and his music teacher about trichotillomania. I explained to them that this is a medical condition and not something he is doing to be stubborn, or to be a distraction in the classroom.

Thank you. I appreciate that. Yes, it is irritating when children get so stubborn that they pull their own hair out and eat it, isn’t it? It’s a good thing they won’t think Ben is just being stubborn.

I thought so. I wouldn’t want him to get into trouble for eating his hair in class.

Yes, that would be a shame.

Yes. I thought so. So anyway, like I said, I just wanted to make sure that you know that Ben has been pulling his hair out and eating it. Okay....have a great day!

You too. Thanks again for calling.

Click.

Letter to the Teacher

Dear Ms. C:

Good morning! I hope this day finds you energetic. If this morning is any indication, you will need every drop of energy available to deal with darling Benny Bob today. He is bouncing off the walls this morning. I'm not sure the walls will survive if he doesn't leave for school soon!

You will notice that Ben has a sling on today. No, he did not injure himself while doing the wall bounces! The sling is not for an injury at all. This is what I am tentatively calling our "Benjamin Anti-theft Device," or BAD for short.

The BAD came about in a moment of inspiration when we were discussing with Benjamin the possible consequences of stealing. This led to a discussion of historical proportions in which someone mentioned that in some countries, the punishment for stealing is to have the offending hand amputated.

Since I am fairly sure that amputation is not a feasible option at this time, we decided to try to simulate amputation by putting his arm in the experimental BAD. In the interest of schoolwork, we have chosen to provide young Benjamin with this valuable lesson by putting his left arm in the BAD instead of the more historically accurate "offending" arm.

I have taken great care to sew this BAD so that, hopefully, he will not be able to use it as a pocket for hiding his "loot," as I am fairly sure that this would defeat the purpose entirely and nullify the experiment.

I think the BAD might also have the side-effect of making it difficult for our little monkey to climb the bathroom stalls. However, as testing has not been completed in this area, that hope might be prematurely optimistic.

We did run some rudimentary tests with the BAD last night. Various sibling volunteers left their iPods and Gameboys around to see if they could be stolen and kept undetected with only one hand. Although we need further research to duplicate these findings, I am pleased to report that the BAD was effective in theft prevention.

I am, of course, aware that the BAD could become a distraction in the classroom. If this occurs, please feel free to remove the BAD from the classroom and send it to the office.
He can even carry his sling with him.

Yours truly,
Kristie